Secret Lover
by abbieEdwards
Summary: First Fanfiction. Ciel falls deeply in love with his demon butler Sebastian. Ciel denies all feelings before they start to hurt him, seriously. Sebastian feels the tension and a slight tug to Ciel, as well as a slight ache of pain too. Yaoi. abandoned
1. Chapter 1 (05-09 09:32:42)

**Authors Note: I don't own Kuroshitsuji**

Ciel's P.O.V:

Sleep was something I found hard to come by. With restless nights filled with nightmares and screams. Not mine per say, screams in my mind, of my former self. It scares me but I musn't let anyone know. No one can find out about my secret. Not even Sebastian.

The day started with me lying in bed, staring at the fabric that hung above my head. It was 4 in the morning, 3 hours before I had to be up. My nightmare had awoken me from my not so peaceful sleep. Sweat racked my body, making me feel sticky and uncomfortable. I was exhausted, begging for sleep to overcome me again but begging it not to at the same time. Sebastian must of been made aware of my sleepless state as I heard footsteps echo throughout the hall. I shifted in my bed, pulling the blankets up to my chin, trying to hide my face. I heard a knock on the door, signalling that Sebastian was right outside.

"Come in Sebastian." I called out, in a slight whisper, afraid that my voice may crack with the dryness in my throat. He entered the room without a sound, apart from the slight creak of the door.

"Are you alright Young Master? You seem to have awoken earlier than expected." Sebastian asked with concern. That took be aback, Sebastian never showed concern. Just reluctance.

"I... I'm fine Sebastian." I can't believe I just stuttered, how demeaning! Sebastian just chuckled, with a soft smile gracing his lips.

"Of course you are sir. May I suggest something Young Master?" He asked, with another chuckle. I snuggled down into the blankets and nodded.

"Try and relax and I'll make you a mug of hot milk and honey." He spoke, coming closer and tucking me into the bed, making me feel comfortable and safe. How ironic. Feeling safe around a Demon from Hell. I complied willingly, brushing my hair out of my face.

Sebastian returned, pushing a tray with the mug of hot milk and a small jar of honey and a spoon to add it in. He closed in onto my bed, placing the tray beside me. I sat up and mixed the honey in, nodding at Sebastian.

"Thank you Sebastian." I whispered, smiling slightly from the calming feeling that subdued my anxious body.

"Of course my lord, what kind of butler would I be if I couldn't calm my Master?" Sebastian answered, with a slight smug air around him, but pride full all the same. I finished my milk and honey and placed the now empty mug back on the tray, feelimg fully relaxed. All remaining thoughts of the nightmare fully dissapated from my mind.

I sighed in relief, placing my arms under my head and relaxing further into the bed. I looked up to see Sebastian standing at the foot of my bed, the tray gone and a calming scent of lavender in the room.

"It's a bag of lavender my lord, it is said to help sleep and calm the senses." Sebastian seemed to answer my unasked question.

"With that in mind my lord, I must leave and make preperations for the day ahead. I bid you adieu." Sebastian started to leave the room, panic seemed to creep through my body, before I knew what I was doing I called out in an unseemly manner.

"Don't leave! Um, I mean, please stay until I fall asleep." I trailed off, feeling embarrassed. Suprise momentarily graced Sebastian's handsome face, wait handsome?, before going back to his 'stoic' like look.

"Of course My Young Master, sleep well." Sebastian spoke, before picking up the candle holder and staying by the foot of my bed. I took in his features for a while, studying every small part of his being. His face was perfectly chiseled. With skin so pale it was almost like an onion. No blemishes or scars from acne. His raven hair fell delicately from his head, but still holding power and grace. I could tell that his body was perfct as well, muscles biting through his soft flesh, rock hard and a force to mess with. His legs were long, making him tall and slightly intimidating but comforting at the same time. He was perfect. He was _Sebastian_ , utterly beautful and handsome. Someone any woman, and probably man, would swoon over. His presence made my heart jump, skin start to feel clamy and eyes glue unto him. He looked delicious. From my description alone I have deduced that I have fallen deeply and madly in love with him. How disgusting! Yet, how scandelous and exciting. I'm slightly scared of what is to come if my crush prevails. Sleep finally consumed me, guiding me into dreams filled with Sebastian and slight fear and pain.

Sebastians P.O.V:

The Young Master has awoken from yet another nightmare, the fifth this week! He thinks I'm unaware of this, but I'm hyperaware of it, he is my contracted. He has fallen asleep restfully, I've not heard a peep out of him since. I am supposed to leave now as the candle starts to dim as the fire gets closer to the stump of the candle. I can't help but stare at Ciel as he sleeps. I shouldn't call him Ciel, but I feel slightly attatched to the little human. He intrigues me. He is soon to turn 16, puberty doing many wonders for him. His high pitched voice long gone and replaced with a deep and sensual one. He has grown much taller, almost 5'7. He has shot up over the years, growing out of his much favoured high-heeled shoes. His face has become more defined. A jaw that looked like it could slice smoothly through butter. His nose is more pointed, making him look arrogant even thought the arrogance has lessened since he was 13. His cheeks still looked cute and plump. I must be losing my touch if I'm calling a human's cheek cute. He has grown in other places to, not that I would know. I no longer bathe him or dress him. This is fine by me, he is old enough to do it himself.

I walk closer to the bed, smiling for real and tuck him in to bed. I kiss his forehead, no matter how unprofessional it is, it does seem to have an effect on him when he sleeps. He doesn't have nightmares when I do this. I turn to leave before I hear a weird noise.

"Sebastian..." A low, needy moan fills the air. I turn in suprise to see the Young Master moving about in bed, saying my name. I brush it off. It's probably the exhaustion making his voice seem longer. Now, I must go and prepare for the day. A long one it will seem to be.


	2. Chapter Two

**Authors Note: I don't own Kuroshitsuji.**

Ciel's P.O.V:

I had awoken at 7 by Sebastian, just like everyday. Scones for breakfast with Earl Grey. My favourite.

"I hope your breakfast was satisfactory my lord, you have a busy schedule today. Latin in the study, followed by your music lesson in the music room. Then dance lessons in the ballroom, then a small break for lunch, finishing your lessons with history before you have paperwork from the factory to finish. Unfortunately your dance teacher has fallen ill, so I shall fill her role today as it was at such short notice." Sebastian listed what I had to do for the day. I sighed in boredom.

"Why do I have to do this? It's not like I need them, I shall be dead soon Sebastian. It's utterly boring." I grumbled in annoyance, crossing my arms childishly. "Can't we just cancel my dance lessons? I can't dance with a man! It's highly improper." I added, blushing slightly at the thought of dancing with Sebastian. He just smirked, the bastard!

"Unfortunately not my lord, it is Elizabeth's birthday tomorrow, she is throwing a ball which you have to attend and your dancing is not up to scratch. You must have your lessons with me." Oh shit. I had completely forgotten about her birthday. I am a terrible fiancé.

"Very well Sebastian, let's proceed. I shall dress myself. Go and prepare the study." I ordered before he left my sleeping quarters.

I got dressed. I was wearing a blue casual dress suit. Blue pressed trousers which rested comfortably on my hips. A belt held up the article of clothing as it was a size too big, so I don't outgrow them too quickly. A white shirt that I tucked into my trousers, with a blue waistcoat. A blue suit jacket and a white cravat around the collar of my shirt. I wore black shoes with blue socks. I tied my eyepatch around my head and placed my rings upon the appropriate fingers. I glanced in the mirror, nodded and walked to the study where Sebastian would hold my Latin lessons.

My desk had been set out appropriately. A small blackboard with a small writing utensil placed beside, a cup of piping hot Earl Grey tea and a perfect view of the larger blackboard so I could copy and learn. Sebastian was waiting by the board, wearing his usual attire with a few changes. He wasn't wearing his usual tail coat, but instead had a long black dress suit. He had placed a smart pair of reading glasses upon the tip of his perfectly pointed nose. He was also holding a cane, a piece of equipment that he threatened to use, but never did whip me. He always just hit the desk as if to scare me slightly. It didn't always work.

"Young Lord, you have failed in tying your laces." Sebastian pointed out, chuckling at the thought. I frowned in embarrassment, my cheeks dusted with a light shade of pink. I didn't reply, just stood there, wanting the ground to swallow me whole from such a stupid mistake. Sebastian just smirked, glided over to me and bent down to tie my laces. I got a perfect view of his muscley looking ass, yet soft at the same time. My cheeks went a deeper shade of pink, bordering red, at the thought. I was always curious of what his ass would feel like.

"All done Young Master, now, please take a seat. We must start the lesson." Sebastian stood up, almost too quickly, and went back to the board. His red eyes bore into my blue one as I sat down.

The lesson had been drawing on for about 20 minutes and I had lost complete interest. Sebastian was constantly trying to catch my attention, which was starting to annoy him. I didn't care, all my tea was gone and Latin was boring me. I sighed and leant againts my palm.

"Young Lord, please pay attention! Your mind seems to be somewhere else. Pray tell, what is the matter?" Sebastian asked, pushing his glasses up with the end of the cane.

"It is nothing to concern yourself with Sebastian, just carry on with the lesson." I mumbled, not even bothered to speak properly to him. Truthfully, I couldn't stop thinking about the demon. Everytime I found my mind wandering, it always landed on him. It didn't matter what I did, my mind wouldn't budge. Sebastian just sighed and carried on scribing words onto the blackboard. My eyes weren't on the board, just on him. Studying the movement of his lips, the way his nose twitches when he speaks. Admiring the way he writes all the words with such ease, his hands strong but careful againts the chalk he held, as not to break it. Not leaving out how his hair falls down upon his head, brushing his face with every movement. It looked silky soft. I just wanted to touch it. 'Ciel! Stop admiring your butler for crying out loud! He's nothing but a servant, and a man!' I thought angrily to myself, snapping my attention back to my little board.

Dance class was as embarrassing as I imagined. We entered the ballroom with a few complications. Mey-Rin had dropped nearly all of my dining ware, making both Sebastian and myself mad at her. Bardroy had blown up the kitchen after his failed attempts at prepping lunch, even after Sebastian had said not to touch it. Finnian had destroyed the garden. Again. Finally, Tanaka was just... Tanaka.

After the fiasco, Sebastian led me to the dance floor.

"I'm teaching you how to properly lead a Lady to the floor. You must show strength, as well as grace and elegance." Sebastian had gotten really close to my ear. So close infact that I could feel his lips ghost my skin. He whispered into my ear. It made me blush, the feel of his lips so close to me and his hot breath running through my skin, making me feel alight. I must stop this.

"Sebastian, we must stop messing and dance. I must learn if I am to impress Elizabeth." I spoke, not convinced that I really wanted to impress Elizabeth and if I just want to dance with Sebastian. Sebastian chuckled.

"Well, let us dance." Sebastian spoke, amused. He held out his hand to me, head slightly bowed down to mine and said, "My Lady, may I have this dance?" I didn't know what shocked me more, the way his voice asked me ao sensually, or the fact that he called me a Lady.

"Sebastian! I am not a Lady. I should ask you..." I trailed off, pink upon my cheeks. Sebastian smirked, nodding at me as if to say that I should ask. I copied his movement, holding out my hand and looking into his eyes.

"My Lady, may I have this dance?" I asked, fake confidence laced in my voice. Sebastian could see through my facade, but took my hand anyway.

"Place your left hand upon my waist and your right hand in mine." Sebastian instructed, waiting for me to follow. I blushed yet again, I was acting like a hormonal teenage girl for fuck sake! I hesitantly placed my hand on his waist, holding it securely after he corrected me. I held his other hand with hesitance as well. It was embarrassing. He hadn't removed his gloves but I could almost feel the softness of his palm and fingers, including the heat that radiated from them. It was comforting. I felt confidence surge through my veins. There was no music, but I hummed to create a sound to move to. I started to lead, rather stongly as well. The movement of his feet, his body supporting mine as well as mine supporting his. His lips so close to my head, his breath againts my face. We moved together as one. So in sync. Sebastian slowly started to lead me as I fell into his intoxiating smell. Cinnamon and strawberries, a very sweet mix. I fell into his embrace, lulled by his own hummimg and the vibrations in his chest. He seemed safe. Warm.

I pulled away the minute I felt my self lost within his arms. I allowed myself to get sucked in without any caution! How foolish of me! I coughed with yet another blush adorning my face.

"Sebastian, bring me tea in my study." I ordered, quickly leaving the room and running off to the study. My heart was beating frantically in my chest. How can I let myself fall for this man?

Sebastian's P.O.V:

There was something wrong with Ciel. I don't know what it is, but I'm determined to find out. After brewing the tea I brought it in a tray to the master's study. I knocked on the door and awaited for his reply.

"Come in!" I heard him shout, slightly breathless. I opened the door and found him in a weird state. His hair was all over the place, his clothes slightly disheveled, mainly his trousers. There was a distinct smell of sweat and what smelled like sex. I smirked. I think I've found the source of the weirdness.

"Your tea, Young Master." I announced, slowly walking over, shaking my hips a little. This caught his attention, his eyes widening and his face blushing. I've made him blush too many times today, his pride must be damaged. That thought made me smirk.

I placed the tea in its place on the desk. The scent of arousal higher, muskier. I smirked again.

"Thank... thank you Sebastian. You may leave." Ciel stumbled on his words, making me smirk yet again. Ciel cleared his throat, before beginning sipping on his tea and doing some paperwork. I decided to let the history lesson slide, he looked like he needed a break. I left the room, closing the door behind me silently. I had to prepare for dinner.

A crash sounded from downstairs and a shreak from Mey-Rin. I sighed, rubbing my temples. There was never a silent day in the Phantomhive manor. Including this new addition of Ciel's dirty secret.

He had a huge crush on Mey-Rin. This is going to be funny. Never a dull day. Not at all.

 **Authors note:**

 **I had a lot of fun writing this. Sebastian is still oblivious and Ciel has... relieved himself *cough*. Won't be long for the next chapter, thank you for reading. Please review, they make my day :).**


	3. Chapter Three

**Authors Note: I don't own Kuroshitsuji but I wish I did :p.** **I want to give a special thanks for my friend, she feeds me the ideas.**

Sebastian's P.O.V:

Table cloth in hand, I shook it up in the air and watched it lay neatly over the dining table. Everytime I did it I loved the way it lay perfectly over the polished oak, without wrinkles or bumps. Just pefect for my master. I set the table for one, as my master is the only one who sits there to eat. I lay the newly polished silver next to the china plate. A tall glass for wine placed next to it for me to fill with the masters choice of wine for the evening. The plate held a meal fit for my master, a freshly caught pheasant, plucked and cooked to perfection. A small side of carrots, peas and a few roasted potatoes. I smiled, it was a work of perfection. I made my way up to the study where I left my master doing paperwork, the place I had realised his little crush on the bumbling maid. The master was engrossed in his work, finishing most of the work he had set for the day. I was going to knock, but I decided just to enter, knowing he wouldn't of heard me.

"Young Master, dinner is served." I announced, bowing before him. He snapped up, slightly shocked by my sudden entrance. He regained his posture and etiquette.

"I'll shall be down in a minute Sebastian." He replied, placing his quill next to his unfinished work. I bowed again, leaving the room to wait for him at the table.

I stood by the table, waiting patiently for him to arrive. I heard his heavy and tired footsteps down the hallway. I smiled at him as he entered the room, he just grunted and sat in his seat. He looked upon his dinner with a frown, not of disgust but with weariness. He picked up the fork and knife and shoved a piece of the bird down his throat. He coughed, pushing the meat out of his mouth.

"It burns Sebastian! By God it burns!" He screamed, sticking out his tongue and pushing the plate slightly away from him. I tried to hold in my laughter. I really did, but the chuckles came out full force. Before I knew it, I snorted at the look upon his dainty face. Ciel just snarled.

"How dare you laugh at me you bastard! Go and fetch me my best wine." He ordered, sending me away a laughing mess.

With the wine poured and the master eating happily, I didn't expect what was going to happen next. Mey-Rin burst into the dining room, holding a letter of some kind. She ran over to the Young Master, tripping on her shoelace and grabbing onto the table cloth to stop her from falling. Ciel's dinner fell upon his lap, burning his legs and causing him to scream in pain, yet again. I rushed to his aid as he shouted profanities at the maid.

"I'm sorry Young Master, yes I am." She repeated, slightly begging for him to stop shouting. She placed the letter on the table as I shooed her away. I pulled a fresh cloth out of my pocket and started dabbing the Young Master's trousers. The stain had seeped into his clothes and scalding his skin. Ciel was starting blush, I furiously dabbed at his nether regions to try and get out most of the stain. I had noticed that his penis was hardening, I chalked it down to the fact that Mey-Rin had been in the room. The master stood up quickly, blushing ferociously and spluttering as he tried to form a sentence.

"Bring me tea in my study, and make sure that you knock!" Ciel ran from the room, dropping his napkin and leaving me slightly stunned from his sudden disappearance. I left to make his tea.

Ciel's P.O.V:

I ran from the table, slightly embarrassed at what had just occured. I hid in my study, closing the door but hesitant to lock it as Sebastian will become curious. It didn't take me too long to run over to my desk and to throw myself onto the chair. I was taking deeps breaths, quickly undoing my belt for the second time that day. I slid my trousers down to my knees, followed by my underwear. My length was oozing with pre-cum. I teased the slit, rubbing up and down my length, making me moan quietly. I grabbed my length and started pumping it slowly, moaning deep and slowly. The pre-cum was still dripping down, lubricating my dick for me. I sped up, sliding up and down my dick. The warmth of my hand bleeding into my cock. I pumped quicker, putting pressure on my rock hard length, I moaned louder, hoping no one could hear me. I couldn't hold myself back any longer and pumped at full speed, moaning frantically. I reached my climax, cum going all over my legs and dripping down my spent length. I sighed in relief and cleaned myself up. I can't believe that I just did that. Again.

Sebastian's P.O.V:

I heard the Young Master moan inside the study, the smell of sex creeping out from under the study door. I smirked, standing outside hearing him sigh in relief. I knocked on the after a moment, only to give him time to redress himself.

"Come in Seastian." He spoke, his breath returning back to normal. I opened the door, sliding inside with the tray holding his tea.

"I have brought some chamomile tea for you master, it shall help you sleep tonight." I announced, pushing the tray to his desk. He nodded, signalling me to put the cup on his desk. I filled up the small cup before he picked it up and took a sip. He carrid on drinking before asking me a question.

"Sebastian, what's it like being a demon?" I was rather puzzled, it was a strange question to ask after 4 years of me serving him. I pondered for a second.

"It is rather hard to say master, it's the beginning of the end. Being a demon I mean. I can't really explain it any other way." I answered, not too happy with it. I could tell him it's freeing or fun, but it is niether of those things. He just nodded again before speaking.

"I wish to retire. Goodnight Sebastian."

"Yes my lord, sleep well." I replied, he just gave a small nod and left the room. I cleaned up the cup and took the tray out of the room.

I went to check on Ciel after I was sure that he would be asleep. I knocked on the door of his chambers just to make sure. There was no answer, so I am sure he is asleep. I entered the room and heard slight snores from underneath the covers. His breaths were deep and his hands were resting on the pillow. He was truely gone. I smiled, it was a relaxing sight. I would be lying if I said I didn't find the boy appealing. I left the room before I did something I regretted.

I left the manor and took off into London. I had to go and speak to someone. It didn't take me that long to get where I wanted to go with my supernatural speed. I stood outside the dimly lit shop for a while, pondering on whether I should enter. Before I could make a decision a head popped round the door, long, silver hair tumbling to the floor.

"Sebatian, don't stand there looking like a lost puppy! Come in." The head spoke, ushering me in.

"I have to speak with you Undertaker." I stated, sitting on one of his coffins.

"It's about time Sebastian." Undertaker laughed, his scars illuminated under the candle light.

"It's about the Young Lord."

The Undertaker just laughed, leaning back in his chair.

"His feelings lie with someone else. The last person you would expect, yet the first person at the same time. Time is his greatest enemy, for it is running out. Find out who it is Mr Butler, and you shall find the answer you so desire. I gave you that for free, your cluelessness makes me laugh enough, now go, you have a job to attend to." Undertaker finished, watching me leave. That was NOT helpful at all. With all his fucking riddles. And what does he mean, Ciel's time is 'running out'? I have no time to dwell, he wasn't wrong when he said I had a job to attend to. Hopefully this mess shal sort itself out.

 **Authors Note: I'm so sorry this chapter isn't as long, I have my GCSE exams coming up, so chapters will be slower than usual but I will be getting them out! Please review, they make my day :)**


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